I feel like I can’t trust myself anymore

I stopped therapy about four or five months ago, and I saw them for about six years. She would tell me I had issues with my thinking and that I wasn’t seeing things correctly. However, whenever I would explain my problems to someone else who saw me interact and be around other people, they would typically agree with my perspective.

One thing I’m having a hard time getting over is that she diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. I would talk with other health professionals, and they were always so shocked that I was diagnosed with that. Today I’m having a hard time because I’m thinking what if she’s right? What if I have this awful condition that makes it difficult to form healthy bonds with other people? I want connection, but I’m too scared to seek it out because I don’t want to hurt someone.

Then again, my closest friend has told me that I shouldn’t trust her diagnosis and that it doesn’t seem like me at all. I feel like this monster because of that label, and I’m having a hard time getting past it.

I don’t think I’m going to go to therapy again because it just made me feel a lot worse. She would tell me to go to psychiatrist because she thought I needed medication, and I trusted her. However, the medications didn’t help and made things worse. I feel like I can’t trust my thoughts because I don’t know who’s right.