I'm a jerk.

While I was waiting for an anime episode to load, I reflected a little bit on my actions. Almost every memory I have with my friends and family consists of me pressuring, instigating, and straight up bullying them. I want to apologize for all of it but I don't in fear that I'll do it again.

A few days ago, my friend wore clothes that were a tad bit too revealing; instead of saying "hey someone might see that", I raised my voice and said something rude to her. I don't want my friends to hate me but the things I do to them makes me think that they might resent me. It also doesn't help that some of my friends don't approach me unless I strike up a conversation, it makes me feel like I'm a nuisance to talk to.

I've also been very rude to them on several occasions, I say every bad thing that comes to my head to them. With my constant mood swings, serious conversations turn into me insulting them. How do I fix this? Is there a way to stop this? I'd like to hear your advice...

To whom it may concern, the anime I was waiting to load is Alya Sometimes Hides Her Feelings In Russian