i wanna die idk

i'm still muslim. i'm struggling. i'm honestly just here because i'm scared. what if it turns out to be true? what if i go to hellfire? but lately, everything about this religion has made me depressed. i can't do anything i want because it goes against it. everyone in my house is overly religious. i hate it here. i feel like its all man made. why are there so many restrictions on us women? i once asked my brother why i can't do certain things that he's allowed to do. why can't i have fun? he says, 'because a muslim's life is not about fun it's about serving god, and you better accept that.' but i can't. i really hate it. i don't enjoy or look forward to ramadan or anything anymore. i'm so, so depressed. i'm on antidepressants currently, but it doesn't go away. i cant remember a day ive slept properly. this is getting so exhausting. i wanna kill myself