extreme emotional numbness - feel like i've lost myself + keep feeling very irritable. really need support

I've been struggling with a mild to moderate degree of emotional numbness for a while which I attributed to meds, but recently its been so so much worse. I feel like I cannot feel happiness at all, but I can't feel sadness either. I wish I could feel either of them, I want to feel a truly deep sadness with connection for things in my life again. My cat passed away a few months ago, and I was super close to her before. I was always worried about her - there were times when I would even make myself cry thinking about losing her. I felt like I couldn't imagine living without her I loved her so much. When she passed away I cried on that day, but I didn't truly feel it. I was just crying. And then every day since then it feels like I can't even feel anything about her being gone, I used to be so close to her and she brought me so much happiness. But now I can't even feel sadness about losing her and haven't been able to since it happened, I feel like I've totally lost myself. The true me would be devastated by this happening, but instead I just continue to feel extremely numb and anxious without being able to mourn or feel truly sad about it happening at all. Has anyone else experienced a loss of both happiness and true sadness? It scares me. I feel like I'm a psychopath because I should be extremely devastated and sad about this but I can't feel anything, and it makes me so scared about what's become of me or the state I'm in. I feel so far gone from myself. I really need support/reassurance that I'm not going crazy or something. I want to be able to feel both true sadness and happiness again, not just be in this state where everything feels indescribably horrific. I feel extremely irritable all the time too, I'm just an irritable, agitated, numb, zombified shell of the person I used to be. I feel nothing besides irritability and the fear of the state that I'm in. Please has anyone experienced something similar and recovered, or is even going through something like it still and can give some reassurance or something