Guy rejected me after first date and feel blindsided from it.

(This is a long post, I would appreciate if you read the whole thing)

OK, so about two months ago, me and my ex of two years broke up. I was really heartbroken over this but a bit ago I felt ready to possibly start dating again.

I matched with this one guy on a dating app, and I felt like we had some things in common starting off. We like the same type of music and it felt like we were interested in each other and so after a couple days of talking, I reached out to him, and I asked him out on a date. I asked him if he wanted to go get drinks with me the next weekend, and he replied with yes, of course! I also got his phone number and we started texting a little bit. Right off the bat, there was a bit of a red flag. The first day that I got his number from him I got home from work and he recently just came back from a football game. He was telling me that he was kind of drunk. We already had the date planned for the next weekend but he texted me saying “hey, if you’re not doing anything after work, you could come out with me and my friends out to some bars” I was a bit turned off from this, but I simply just responded “hey, that sounds really fun but unfortunately I don’t enjoy last-minute plans like that” he seem perfectly OK with it and he responded by reassuring me that he was fine with it and that he still was excited to see me next weekend.

The next couple of days we started talking a little bit on and off and the communication felt very healthy. We weren’t talking 24/7 and I was probably hearing from him once or twice a day. He was asking me really great questions and I felt like we had a good connection. A couple of days before the date he kind of stopped texting me, and normally in the past I would freak out over this, but I’ve been trying to work on myself, and I’ve been trying to trust people better. So I reassured myself that he really likes me and also remembered that he told me realist on that he is still excited to see me. So the day before the date he texts me and asked if we’re still on for the next day and I say yes.

The next day is the date and I’m getting ready and I’m very very nervous but I’m also excited. I finally get there and we meet at this really nice fine dining bar. He’s really cute in person and I start feeling nervous. We start talking and it feels like things are going. Going into the date I gave myself limits and boundaries. This means going in I’m thinking “I’m going to only have two drinks if I go out with this guy” I know myself pretty well, and I know that if I drink three or maybe even four drinks, I know that I’ll probably do something I would regret. So during the dat itself, I only drank twice. I felt like the whole night things were going well. He seemed really interested in me especially body language wise. He was asking me really great questions, and he seemed interested in my responses as well. At some point early on he asked me what I was looking for in dating. Honestly, I was really nervous about giving him an answer and so I simply just took it as a joke and I asked him what he was looking for in dating. He simply responded that if he feels a connection with someone, he really would like some thing serious. I responded back, saying I also want the same thing and that’s something that I’m interested in. We continue talking and things still feel really good and really really nice between us. He’s telling me about bars and certain restaurants around us and asking if I’ve ever gone and I told him no. After almost two hours of of talking, he asked me if I wanted to get out and possibly go to a different bar. I felt good and comfortable with the situation so I said yes and we went out and walked a little bit. We got to this really nice bar across the street. It was very fancy. We went upstairs, and we went to one of the bars and I asked the bartender if I could get a glass of wine. He also got another drink as well and things kind of just picked up from where we left it from the last location. Same thing was happening. He was asking me good questions. It felt like things were going well with us, and I felt like I could honestly be myself. During the conversation, he was talking to me about his apartment, and that he lives alone. He even tried to show me where it was since we were up high, and we could see everywhere in the city. Some point closer to the end of the conversation he asked me if I was doing anything after the date. I told him I probably wasn’t doing anything and I was probably just going home. He told me that if I wasn’t feeling well or sober enough that I could possibly go back to his place, referring to his apartment that he talked about. I felt a little uncomfortable with this, and I simply just said “No, I’m okay, thank you though” he seemed OK with it as well, and we kind of moved on from there. I’m not gonna lie in the moment I was kind of feeling a little turned off from him asking me this. Because earlier on, he told me that he was looking for something serious and now after possibly 2-3 drinks, he’s asking if I would like to go back to his place. I normally never go and have sex with a guy during a first date and so again I set boundaries.

After I sobered up pretty well we both walked back to the parking garage and he walked me to my car. I’m not gonna lie saying goodbye was a bit awkward, and I didn’t really know how to act. I simply gave him a hug and said I had a good time.

When I got home, I was feeling very good and I texted him pretty soon after saying I had a great time and iff he was open to it, I would love to go out again. He responded back about an hour later, saying that he would love to go out again. I responded back by asking if he wanted to do anything specific next time. I went to bed shortly after and I woke up to him, texting me back, saying that he was open to do anything and asked if I want to do anything specific as well. I remember during the date he was talking about really nice Italian restaurants around from where he lived and so I texted back, saying I’d really like it if we went out to a nice Italian place. Unfortunately, he took a pretty long while to respond and after five hours. I finally got a response. He responded by texting back a paragraph, basically saying that he had a good time last night, but unfortunately, he didn’t feel a good connection with me. I felt a little bit blindsided from this because I too felt a good connection from him and I also felt like he wanted to go out with me again. I responded by accepting the rejection and I asked him a little bit more about why he was feeling this way. He simply responded that he didn’t feel like things were natural for him. I was very hurt and upset about this, but I simply texted back, saying “ thank you again for your honesty and thank you again for your time, I had a great time” He didn’t respond after that.

I spoke to a couple of friends of mine, and I told them about the story. Some of them said that he possibly was just looking to have sex with me and might possibly have just said that he wanted a relationship when in reality, he just wanted to have sex. Because of the instances above, and before the date, I would possibly agree with this. I’m still really hurt about the situation. I really really liked him and I felt like things were going well.

I need some advice. What do you think?