Just a little vent

I won't make you read that much. Basically, I haven't dated or had sex in almost two years since two horrible ex boyfriends and one hook up that ended up in stealthing.

This last couple months I started questioning myself. Why is it that I have become so isolated?

I started asking myself, this should't be normal. I mean, when I'm at the subway (NYC) and I see a guy I like I certainly feel the attraction, or the typical work attraction that never goes further than your thoughts. I like men, then truly despise some of them, like the ones from that insane radical movement online with the well known podcasters and personalities that I don't wanna waste time mentioning, or the bunch of minions following their steps, especially young kids looking for acceptance.

What I feel is like I have zero energies to commit even to a new dating app conversation, much less an actual date. I'm beyond tired and exhausted of the physical and mental stress that involves dating. I literally think I could snap into a raging bit.. if someone hurts me again. Is not about meeting "the right one", is about I may be attracted, but not interested to engage. This is the reason why I decided that I still need time to heal and maybe get help. Celibacy, well I do entertain myself now and then, the need to be with a guy is like truly not an issue at all, I'm good.

I don't think I belong to any radical movements, I'm just tired to the point of contingency until further notice.