My almost one year old rolled off our changing table.

It happened 4 hours ago and I'm a complete mess. Our son turns one in literally two days. It's been quite the year with my wife and I learning how to be parents, dealing with my unresolved past trauma, my wife's PMMD, and we were almost there.

Then, I looked away for what felt like .5 seconds, and I heard the smack. Looked. Behind me to see him on the floor staring up at me, and then the scream crying began. At the ER within 2 minutes and he's stopped crying and back to his normal self, and after 4 hours with almost nothing to show (barely even a red mark) we are on our way home like deflated inflatable arm tube men. Well, me at least. My wife is handling it extremely well and is just happy all is good. Me on the other hand, I feel like the last 363 days don't matter any more and instead there's this shame and disappointment that I'm a failure to my kid and wife. He's fallen asleep in my arms and I can't stop repeating that god awful smack when he hit the floor and replaying it over and over and over bawling my eyes out.

I don't even feel like I deserve support, I'd rather you all just tell me how much I suck.

Anyways, Happy almost New Years and to my sons 1st Birthday (which also lands on New Years).