Quitting cybersecurity

I want to start this off with a preface:

I always did what society asked of me. I finished school with 2 degrees (aa in comp. Info. Systems. Bachelors in cyber security). I got a handful of major certs: sec+, cysa+, BTL1, CISSP, and CCNA to name a few. I have an IQ of 128. I have no diagnosed mental illnesses but I do suffer from major chronic pain that makes getting into an office pure hell.

I've been an analyst, auditor, grc architect, and currently am a L2 security engineer for a major corporation.

I've never felt in control no matter what I did. Every job I held I felt complete and utter burnout with the exception of the grc role which I actually loved and it was fully remote paying 140k (budget cut layoffs managed to ruin that which happens ALL THE TIME in tech). I feel like it's impossible in current day market to land another remote grc role again. I paid for premium linkedin and I apply until my fingers bleed every day. Dice. Zip recruiter. You name it. I'm using it.

With my current role I go home every day depressed and anxious and embarrassed that I just can't hack it (no pun intended). Working in infosec feels like an impossible game of tetris. The blocks just keep falling rapidly and you are just killing yourself trying to keep up.

I'm so tired...I'm in my 5th year of cyber security and I don't know how much longer I can hang on. I even told my boss idk what I'm doing or if this is even for me. I was hoping he would let me go right there but he didn't.

I guess what I'm wondering is what should I consider if I'm done with cyber security? Has anyone here went on to do something that isn't so unfair and constantly demanding? I mean I am growing white hairs and have very dark thoughts that i wont get into but you can figure it out. I now take anti anxiety medication as well as pain killers just to get through the day. this engineering role is also on-site every single day which makes it even worse for my chronic pain. I feel defeated...

I feel like I'd be happier with a simple mindless job like being a bartender or a waiter...I feel like I should just be a janitor like Good Will Hunting...smart kid that just cleans toilets...just throw it all away because maybe then I'll finally be happy and content...I'll have a basic job that I can actually do well and when i go home I can enjoy some video games and relax like a normal nerd would...

Idk where I'm going with this but I just feel terrible and was hoping maybe someone might have something positive to tell me...maybe some advice or insight of some kind...am i the only one thats like this? Is something just wrong with me?

Anyways...thanks for reading and godspeed 🙏 ❤️