My husband got a husband stitch behind my back and a year later I can't get over it.

For those of you who don't know a husband sitch is an extra stitch done on the vagina after birth to make it tighter for the husband. I (25f) gave birth a year ago and my husband (34m) who was a surgeon at the hospital I delivered was asked by his colleague (the OBGYN) if he wanted an extra stitch. My husband said yes because he "thought it would make sex better for the both of us".I didn't notice as I was out of it but I was in a lot of pain afterward, since it was my first kid I was not sure if it was normal or not, I kept asking the nurses who told me it might be because of the husband's stitch. I asked her what that was and she explained to me.

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I thought at first the doctor had just done it and I wanted to report him but then my husband said he had agreed to it. I felt violated, this wasn't the first time a man violated my body, I was a molestation victim as a child. But this was the first time it was someone I loved. When I told him this my husband was extremely angry, he said he did it for both of us and he didn't think it was such a big deal that he didn't know it would cause issues. I pointed out he was a neurosurgeon and he said he wasn't an OBGYN. The fight got ugly, I screamed at him to get out, and in the end, I had to be sedated. I had the same reaction every time he tried to see me. So for the whole time I was at the hospital (3 weeks because of a slow recovery) I didn't see him.

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Now my son has turned a year old and things between us are nonexistent, I only talk to him about our son. We sleep in different rooms and I don't let him so much as kiss me. He is extremely remorseful especially as he saw how much it affected my recovery, he genuinely thought it was okay as the college presented it as "it will make the sex better". But why would a tighter vagina feel better for women? That only feels good for men. He has asked for couples therapy which I have refused. I have taken up freelancing so I am making some of my own money, my husband thinks I am doing that because I plan to leave him. As I was initially dependent on him.

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He's partially right, I don't see myself getting over this. I am NC with my family and I live in his country, I have no friends but his friends, no family but his. Everyone is on me to make things right. They say he was wrong but I can't hold one mistake over his head. My current country isn't exactly known for women's rights, femicide is more common here than you might think. I am also on a spouse visa. I can't leave him until my son is at least old enough to remember me. Because if I leave there is a 90% chance I will lose custody. What should I do in the meantime to make our relationship bearable?