Taylor Swift, Real Men and the fucking Patriarchy

When it came out that Taylor was dating Travis the instagram comment sections were on fire. Swifties were excited to see, that she's now dating a man that is taller than her, strong, nearly as rich and famous, who can protect her and is working in a field were ge can show off his manliness. Somebody who is not weak and artsy. A real man. Somebody who's willing to be part of a power couple. The quarterback to her pop star, the big strong guy to her thin blonde girl. The American dream couple. Finally somebody worthy of her. A man who is open about wanting to get married and who wants to have kids. And he is taller than her! Perfect for her! Every woman's dream.

At the same time the tradwife trend is on the rise. Women who stay at home to cook for their kids and husbands, all while being perfectly styled. Being a stay-at-home mom never looked so good! Why work when you can have a man who does it and all you have to do is caring for the kids and having his dinner ready? Every woman's dream.

Why work when a man can provide for you. A strong and successful man who takes care of you and can protect you. Who marries you and you give him kids and you can live your perfect life.

The kind of life swifties envision for Taylor. Maybe this is what she wants. We don't know that. The popular interpretations of her songs change whenever something big happens and in hindsight everything seems clear and with even more hindsight it changes again. But what we know is that the times are changing too. Traditional relationships are having a comeback.

About a year ago I saw a reel by an expat in Germany. She complained about German men not paying the bill when they go out on a date and the comment sections were dragging these men. To my surprise. As a german myself i never had an issue with paying for my own meal. I have money, I'm an independent woman and especially on first dates i don't want to give men the impression that I owe them anything. I see a similar energy on posts about celebrity couples who aren't married despite having a long-term relationship. "Wow, no ring? Girl RUN" The kind of things that were said about Taylor and Joe, insinuating that a relationship is worthless if it doesn't end with marriage. But now she finally has a real man, who will definitely put a ring on her finger and a baby in her belly. After all, we all want to know when the proposal finally happens. Maybe right after he wins the super bowl? Will she get pregnant next year and take some time off from music?

This growing insistence on adhering to traditional relationship standards is alarming. Women are being told what their life goals should be, what kind of men are worth spending their time on and what kind of "princess treatment" we deserve.

And good portion of swifties reinforces this mindset by pushing this outdated image of a relationship where every woman needs a tall, strong man who protects her, who marries her, who impregnates her. They scream "fuck the patriarchy" from the top of their lungs at the eras tour, then turn around and praise Taylor for dating a "real man" and "finally being ready to settle down" and thereby reinforce the very values the patriarchy relies on.

Where does that mindset come from? Is it because Taylors core audience have always been white slightly conservative leaning women who are into 2010s girlboss feminism but in the end plan to settle down in a beige house with 2.5 kids and husband with a 9 to 5 in finance? I don't know. But the growing popularity goes hand in hand with the rise of conservatism and its growing infiltration of pop culture. I won't go into much detail because "A Bit Fruity with Matt Bernstein" just released an excellent episode on that (which inspired this post). But in short: old money aesthetic, the kardashians having their bbls removed and suddenly dating white guys, trad living, college kids cosplaying reagan-era republicans.

So do swifties who ship tayvis and want them to have kids and a pretty wedding cause harm on a large scale? No. Is it an indicator of something concerning? Kinda. The resurgence of trad culture combined with alpha male mindsets in the tech oligarchy, trump and all the women who voted for him and the rise of right wing parties in Europe is concerning and should be. At least for women and everyone who cares about minority rights. If you scream "fuck the patriarchy" at the eras tour or in front of your laptop screen you should care about this.

In the end Taylor, her relationships and the behaviour of her fans is only a very small part of a very big picture. But we are part of this. And we should be aware of the kind of values we uphold.