saw brothers corpse today

today i went to visit my little brother in the chapel of rest - he committed suicide via helium and a bag with zip ties around his head a week and a half ago.

it’s completely fucked me up. his little face. nails black, body freezing and hard, eyes sunken.

i lost my older brother to suicide too, around 6 and a half years ago via hanging, and also visited him - it affected me too, but this has fucked me up so much more. maybe because i was only 15 when i saw my older brother so couldn’t process it all as well. i’m 22 now and me and my little brother were only born a year apart so it feels like it’s destroying me.

don’t know how to move on in life tbh. idk whether to reach out to a doctors for help.

any words or advice appreciated