Struggling to embrace my sub side/let go of control/trust

I’ve always been a take charge person and at best it makes me a good leader and I get things done but at worst I’m controlling and self centered about what’s “best.” Well, I know I also have a sub side and my husband and I are trying to use him dominating me as a way of balancing the power dynamic I naturally bring to our relationship, as well as a creative way for him to “punish” me for bad behavior. But I am really struggling to actually let go of control and enjoy it. He’s very trustworthy but we also have a complicated history we’re trying to heal and I guess it’s hard for me to see this is purely play and not real resentment and loathing coming through on his end. It’s triggering a lot for me that just shuts down the sexiness that could be possible if I could keep my head straight about what we’re really aimed at. I’d love to hear from anyone who has had similar experiences they’ve worked through.