feeling ko hindi na ko magkakaroon ng jowa ever

hi! i'm F(21) and yes, i know this might be too early for me to say this but i really feel like i will never experience to be in love or to be loved. hindi ko rin alam pero mas nakikita ko rin yung sarili ko na mag-isa sa future. like the idea of being with someone for years baffles me (baffles?!?!). like ano bang feeling?? 😭 na may kasama ka romantically for many years?? hindi ba nakakasawa? like i know may mga away na magaganap during those times and tbh, i'd rather not experience that.

but ofc there are times that i want to experience being with someone, you know. hindi ko nga rin naranasan yung puppy love, yung magkaroon ng jowa sa highschool. yung aayain ka sa wedding booth, yung bibigyan ka ng teddy bear at chocolates sa classroom tuwing valentines, yung tatabihan ka sa bus kapag may tour. diba?! parang ang saya sa feeling. hindi ko man lang naranasan magkaroon ng late night chats! josko napag-iiwanan na nga ako ng mga elementary students!

and the reason why i don't really see myself to be with someone is because wala lang talagang nagkakagusto sakin! ganito ang struggles ng mga panget (o ako lang?! oo na!). gusto kong itry talaga.. but i'm also scared. if ever man na may nagtry magchat sakin, i will automatically assume that they won't like me when they see me personally (don't get me wrong di naman ako nangcacatfish!). i'm on my 3rd yr of college, tbh meron pa kong 3yrs left since im studying a 6-year program. pero feel ko makakagraduate talaga ako ng walang jowa, hays. yung isang friend ko nga sinabi pa sakin na ang concerning daw na wala pa kong jowa.. like sorry naman ah! di kagandahan e!

well, tatanggapin ko na lang habang maaga pa para di na ko ganong ma-depress in the future HAHAHA yun lang bye

thanks for the advice kahit na medyo harsh yung iba HAHAHAHA as i've said above i'm too young to say all of these, yun din sinasabi nyo na ang bata ko pa para isipin mga ganito. pero naranasan naman po natin lahat mag-isip ng ganito diba? it just happens that i vented this out at this young age. malay nyo hindi ko na problemahin to as time goes by (i do hope so)? HAHAHHA nonetheless thanks 🙏🏻 i'll focus on myself, yun din naman goal ko this 2025 hehe