What am I doing wrong?

I'm a trans woman not on HRT yet because of my family; still got another year before I'm independent. And the thing im most dysphoric about is my facial hair. I feel like I can power through everything else about being a male-presenting-person but facial hair gives me such dysphoria. I shave 2 times (at least) a day with a double edge razor against the grain but I still manage to find stubble on me during the day and it's all I can think about. On top of destroying the skin around my neck I burn through so much shaving cream. I don't know what to do about my beard shadow either. There have been times I get a perfectly smooth shave but my beard shadow is still so noticeable. I know hrt isn't going to stop hair growth, so I want to figure out what I can do to at least get an even closer shave. I have some foundation and other make up that I snuck in an amazon order but I haven't ever used it because I'm afraid of it being too noticeable and my family finding out.