just a vent

Just feeling really defeated. I was diagnosed at about 27ish weeks, am 30 weeks2d today. Went in for my 30w today and was told that because of my fasting numbers, I would need to see the "high risk doctor" and likely be put on nighttime insulin. I'm not surprised, as my fasting numbers have all been higher than they should be despite trying LITERALLY EVERYTHING, but it still stings a lot. I'm having a lot of trouble letting go of labels in this pregnancy--I'm 35 (technically i was 34 when i conceived but still lol) so I'm "advanced maternal age" and now I'm seeing myself as "high risk" and it sucks. The doctors have truly been so kind and are very good about reminding me that nothing about this is my fault, that it's the placenta and that my numbers are not crazy out of control and my diet seems to be working fine (my mealtime numbers generally are good), but as my pregnancy progresses, it will get harder and harder to control. it's just so so frustrating. I keep thinking of all the things I did to get here (everything from how bagels and ice cream were my only cravings, to I had covid when i found out i was pregnant and maybe that did something to my placenta lol), but I know self blame is not helpful here. I also am trying to ground myself in feeling grateful, because there really are so many things to be grateful for: baby's healthy and measuring right on track, my weight gain has been right on track, my blood pressure looks great, and in general, I feel good too. It just...is so so frustrating and demoralizing. Also, to add to my vent, my workplace is so annoying and while im working on getting a reasonable accommodation for all of this, it's taking SO LONG and i only foresee more complications if I need to start going in for more appointments. Anyway end rant about GDM. My final gripes are that my feet and ankles are starting to hurt CONSTANTLY and I want a bagel SO SO BAD :(.