I am NOT the Original Poster. That is Potential_Low_8645. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Thanks to u/anicole325 for the rec!

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. This has not been posted here before.

Trigger Warnings: verbal and emotional abuse

Mood Spoiler: things will probably get crazy, but OOP will be ok

Original Post: January 27, 2025

Throwaway account for anonymity.

I (31F) married my soon to be ex-husband (M33) in 2018. My in-laws never liked me and made it clear. STBX insisted that they're just putting up a tough exterior and they'll grow to love me.

To show how evil they are, one time I joined them for dinner and brought a cake I'd made (because I was always raised to be a gracious guest). When I stepped into the kitchen and offered the cake to his mother as a thank you for inviting me, she took the plate over to the garbage bin, dumped it in, and handed me the plate back. When I told my husband what she did, he confronted her and all of a sudden the crocodile tears started and she claimed she grabbed the plate but didn't get a good grip, I let go to quickly, and it fell to the floor, so of course it had to be thrown away. My SIL "confirmed" that was what happened.

My STBX owned his own business and they called me a gold-digger behind his back. Of course they insisted on a pre-nup, which I didn't care about because I never thought my marriage would end and it would appease them and may allow them to finally treat me kindly. Nope. His business failed once covid hit. We went through his savings and my own trying to keep it afloat. I refused to go into debt to keep it going, so he closed it down.

In 2022, he was suffering from really bad depression because he lost his business and couldn't find new work. He suggested we move to his hometown, closer to his family, so he had a larger support network. Against my best judgement we did.

He wanted to only work part time while he tried to restart his business, so I became the main breadwinner. And as with most wives, I became the person in charge of buying gifts. Stupid ol' me thought buying them thoughtful, expensive gifts would finally make them see I wanted to be accepted by them. Gifts to us were a "couples gift" but clearly for my STBX only.

Every holiday was spent with them. Monthly dinners with the whole family. After a year, I realised that if I ever tried to talk or join a conversation, everyone would go quiet, so I just stopped talking when I visited.

In early December they finalized plans for Christmas. A few days later my STBX said his family decided they didn't want me to join them for Christmas Eve Dinner and Christmas Lunch because I ruin the family vibe. I replied, "Fine, we'll do our own thing instead." My STBX sheepishly looked away and said he was still going to go.

I was livid and so disappointed in him. That was the moment I knew my marriage was over.

So I returned the presents I had bought for his family. In their place, I got one pair of novelty business socks for FIL, a supermarket brand bottle of shampoo for MIL, the nastiest perfume I could find at the dollar store for SIL. The most expensive gift was a large rawhide bone for BIL and his wife's chihuahua (too big for it to get its jaw around, rendering it useless).

I saved about $600 to put on a deposit for a new apartment.

My husband come home from Christmas lunch telling me I humiliated him and embarrassed him in front of his family. I asked him why would he think I'd buy nice gifts for people who clearly don't like me and don't want me around?

Served divorce papers last week. Remember how he was supposed to be a millionaire by now so we had that pre-nup? STBX is not eligible for any of my savings (it was required to keep separate accounts) or alimony. He doesn't have money for rent and auto insurance. Not my problem anymore.

Some of my friends and family and on my side and proud that I went out in a blaze of glory. Others are telling me I was being way too petty, which isn't really like me. So, AITA?

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: I would say be glad you did not have children with him. Be glad you can escape and be free with no strings.

PS, this relationship should be a learning lesson on the love that you want for yourself and the life you want. Not as a "loss "

OOP: First thing I did after I moved in to my new apartment was adopt an older car from the shelter. He was allergic and I couldn't never adopt one since we first started living together.
We're just two old hags living our best lives after being rejected.

Commenter: You're not old, silly!

So glad you're enjoying the company of an older cat ('car' is interesting but not as cuddly ) who appreciates you and will show that far more than STBX ever did.

OOP: D'oh! Just noticed the typo! >.<
Keeping it in because it's actually hilarious. Beep beep!

Commenter: NTA. He chose his family over you and still expected you to buy all the presents? This was perfectly planned and well deserved for every one of them, including him!

OOP: He only worked 12 hours a week at Walmart to he could do non-existent work restarting his business. I make just over 6 figures and I can't believe I didn't realize years ago I was the family ATM.

Commenter: NTA

So thoughtful of them to insist on a pre-nup! I hope you send them a sincere thank you note after the divorce is finalized, lol.

OOP: My lawyer even laughed that the pre-nup that was set up for him is going to be what we use for me.
It required both spouses to maintain separate bank accounts and each spouse could keep 100% of their savings. No spouse eligible for alimony.

OOP is voted NTA

Update Post: February 6, 2025 (10 days later)

Many thanks to everyone for their support in my last post. I thought I'd send a small update.

First, for those who asked how the deposit on my new apartment was only the $600 I saved on the gifts, it certainly wasn't. I had to dip into savings, but that $600 helped.

My STBX didn't bother reaching out to me after I left until he was served the divorce papers and my lawyer made it clear we're exercizing the pre-nup. Then it was loving voicemails and texts (I never picked up) from him and his family for a few days trying to convince me to come back, which eventually turned to threatening and cruel voicemails and texts when it was clear I wasn't budging.

My lawyer suggested I don't block them so we have evidence of harassment, if needed. Basically, give them the rope to hang themselves with.

But then last night I got call after call from my STBX. Stupidly, I picked it up thinking there was some kind of emergency or something. I barely got "Hello" out when he said, "The rent is a week late." I told him that's strange because I paid my landlord 6 days ago. He paused and sighed dramatically and replied, "No, the rent for here." I reminded him I don't live there and he shouldn't expect rent. Cue his parents both texting me that they're going to sue me to pay the remainder of the lease entirely.

I'm not worried about having an eviction on my record, since the apartment is in his parents' names. When we first announced we were moving to his hometown, they rented an apartment for us right away so we could move right in. They've been renewing the lease each year. We had to pay his parents and then they write a check to the landlord, who has no idea who STBX and I are, let alone that we lived there. Red flag, I know. I'm glad I had a few weeks to prep my leaving since they'd probably use the fact that it's their apartment to kick me out immediately.

Divorce is probably going to be a bumpy ride with this manchild and his psycho parents. Any advice from anyone who's been through it is welcome.

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: Do you even have a contract at the place your stbx is living? I don't think they have a basis for suing you, lol. What does your lawyer say?

OOP: Lawyer is confident they have no leg to stand on. I haven't signed any type of lease and utilities are in their name, too, because they were afraid of having too many names connected to the apartment and the landlord finding out. So they are on the hook for everything that doesn't get paid. But, hey, that was their choice and their scheming. FAFO.