my life is miserable

idk how y'all do it, i'm genuinely tired i can't live a life that's all about fighting an illness , i wanna be able to go out of the house i wanna be able to make friends i wanna be able to love i wanna be able to feel normally but i will never i will never experience what it's like to live a life free of mental illness what's the point of fighting and suffering for a life i don't even want? i'm not good at anything and i hate everything anything i enjoy is a result of me chasing a high or anything that gets me out of my miserable life which is mostly drugs and sleep so what's the point for all of this suffering really?