I'm scared to astral project

I'm somewhat new to this kind of stuff. All I have learned about consciousness, spiritualism, physics, reality, etc. actually made my life more peaceful. So, since then, I have been fascinated with this kind of stuffs and I have always had wide imaginations, but it was last year since I started to have a deeper understanding of this reality. I had episodes of existential crisis, but I could say that my life got better after that. Things that do me discomforts are much easier to accept now and do not affect me anymore. I got over my overthinking days.

So I started lucid dreaming when I was a kid. Before, I have doubts, so every time I lucid dream, it always turn into a nightmare —but actually comedic, which I'll realize after I wake up. Now, I am able to control my LD, and when I want to LD.

When I was a kid, because of LD, I sometimes get this feeling like im not sure if im awake or dreaming, and I hate that feeling and get cautious. Now, (I'm not sure how to describe it) but that feelings merged (feeling awake or dreaming), like there is a point that they intesect and I only shifts to any point, depending on my situation. I feel more like dreaming at night when I am alone, but I can't call that feeling "dreaming" because I also believe in that reality. This doesn't bother me now but confuses me sometimes.

So I tried astral projecting 1 time. I went to the vibration phase, but I ended up lucid dreaming because I forgot that I had to pull myself up.

So my problem is I am confused. I know I want to learn more about this reality, and I want to experience it. I am worried that diving much deeper cause me to manifest something like schizophrenia or forget the people I love/ realize they are not real. What's much confusing is that im not sure if I am scared at all because it also excites me. So this is not just about astral projecting but my whole spiritual awakening process. I am all alone with these thoughts. No one knows what i am into, I never talked about this kind of stuff to anyone. I have a very neutral belief, contrasting reality co-exist in my mind.

Because of this, my world feels much smaller now, like I only have my mind. And I sometimes feel like my 2d vision isn't enough and small for me.

I actually feel weird saying these. Please share your experience or leave advice. Thank you! (I'm from Ph)