Scared I’m not going to last much longer

I know most of us feel this way. I’m scared im going to impulsively end my life very soon because of this. I cant go to a hospital because they’re basically clueless about this. My body is tightening itself so much more and I’ve had to isolate myself almost completely because of the agitation. I feel the need to punch a wall and cry at the same time every second. I tried more creams and stronger magnesium for my legs this week with absolutely no effect at all. I’m feeling so dissociated because of how frantic my whole system feels. I can barely take care of the simplest things because I’m only focused on relief from this. It feels otherworldly and I can’t remember my real self. Sorry for venting, I’ll delete this if it’s not appropriate. 😞