AITA for resenting my GF’s laziness?

My gf & I (26M & 24G) rent an apartment together, and have been for 2 & a half yrs. Before we moved in together, I was living with my friend in an apartment which she was basically living at before she suggested we moved in together.

When I agreed, we had a serious discussion about 3/4 months before we decided to move in discussing the things that we both need to do to make it work. We both agreed that we’d split costs (rent & bills) down the middle & that we’d both need to be in permanent work. (i was on a Fixed term contract that ended about 3months into our tenancy & she was on a zero-hour contract, which is basically temp work). We agreed that it’s be best if she was able to get a permanent job before moving in and she had about 3/4 months to do so.

I guess this is where the issues start. At the time, I trusted her to handle her business because we had that serious discussion about what we need to do before moving in. So i’d check in with her everyone now & again about the job hunt (didnt want to be too overbearing like a parent, because I know how that feels. So i only asked about the job hunt like once a month or so). Skip to the point we move in and she still has not found a job. The temp work she does is not a permanent salary, she has to pick up shifts with good hours and work 5 days a week to be able to cover monthly commitments & its hard doing that on a temp job when you work irregular hours and different locations. I can understand that because I used to do temp work (that’s actually how we met).

I’m getting paid about £1.3k/month at the time and what she makes fluctuates, as explained above. She’s still in uni so she was getting maintenance loans every quarter, which i guess made up for the lack of work but she would use part of it to pay the current months rent and then blown it by the time next month comes around. I quickly starter noticing the effort was not there to pick up shifts with good hours or even work 4 days a week. I would go to work and come back and she’s there watching tv/smoking or just chilling. When rent comes around now, she doesn’t have enough & our rent is £950/month, which is the majority of my salary, and we still have to buy food/toiletries and pay utilities. She can barely contribute to this stuff so that leaves me basically using up my whole salary to keep us fed/sheltered.

Now my fixed term contract has run out & I’m back on temp work for a few months. But I’m hustling, working 4/5days a week - long hour shifts just to make ends meet. Leaving home at 5am coming back at 11pm or midnight & she’s at home just chilling. I check in with how the job hunts going and she gives me the same response that she’s been applying. But like i said its really hard to make ends meet on a temp job. So i have to start borrowing money from my mum every month to make ends meet. Then pay her back the following month which takes away from my next paycheque and the cycle continues for about 6 months. The worst part about it is that she knows how much I hate to ask my mum for help, I’ve told her this so many times and her laziness is now putting me in a posting where I have to go to her with my hands out every month. My mum didn’t think moving in with her was a good idea and its almost like this is proving her right. (i’m giving my mum excuses as to why i need the money every month btw, I’m not saying that my gf isn’t doing her part)

During this time I’m probably the most drained I’ve been, but trying not to project my mood onto her. I start giving her advice, because maybe it’s her cv? So i helped her rejig her cv and even helped her apply to jobs (like when i say helped, i mean i did the job search and the job application myself. Did the online assessments for her too).

Now we’re leading to boiling point. I did a job application for her, a remote job that I had just been offered so i know the process. I passed the online assessments for her so now all she has to do is pre-record her answers to the questions. I told her what questions will be asked and even gave her sticky notes with bullet points on how to answer. When you reach this stage, they only give you 2 days to record your answers or the application is withdrawn. So she had 2 days, i was encouraging her to do it & she said she’s on her period she didnt want to. Can’t really say much to that, but I was raised by my mum & sister who were both go-getters. In a situation where we’re struggling to make ends meet they are doing what needs to be done period or not. But anyways, i left alone. When she came off her period, the job app was still up, so we did the whole process again and go to the video stage. This time there was no excuse, but after encouraging her - she just didnt do it, so application was withdrawn again. Now I’ve been a bit stern with her and told her like we’re barely surviving, you need to do this & we’ve submitted the job app again under a different email but she didnt get invited to do stage 2assessment (I’m guessing maybe the system realised there were multiple applications for the same person and blocked her? Idk).

Shortly after, her birthday comes & goes, not really able to do much because I have barely any disposable income and she tells me “I don’t like what you did for my birthday” basically telling me that we barely did anything. (i got her a card and borrowed money from my mum so we could go out to eat, low budget restaurant). At that point I just blew, because I’d been working HARD to keep a roof over our heads whilst you’ve been doing nothing. So i broke it down for her like how her not working at all has left me extremely cash-strapped… like how can she not notice that…. After a very very long and vulnerable conversation, she realised that she wasnt doing her part, especially what we agreed to both do before we moved in. So now she gets a job, permanent role, about same salary as me (1.3k/month).

A few months later (6 months ago) she has a health issue (wont go into detail) but she has major pains in her stomach which almost immobilise her. I’m in a new job at this point (£2.1k/month) and have put her on my health insurance so she can see someone quickly. She’s been given meds which basically eradicate the pain so she’s able to do day-to-day stuff (gym, go out, etc) but she’s been told she needs to have surgery to fully resolve the issue.

When the pain first started she took sick leave off of work and told them what the problem was, they told her take as much time as you need. For the first 2 months of her sick leave she was getting full pay (£1.3k/month) but they informed her she’s used up all her fully sick pay and she’s now on a reduced salary of (~£600/month). The time between when the pain first started and when it went away after taking meds was about 2 weeks. I get maybe she’s a bit traumatised after going to a doctor and being told what the issue is so maybe you want to take a few more weeks off to come to terms with it. During this time she’s going out with her friends & me, and to the gym so it’s not like she’s homebound or anything. Time’s gone and now 2 months have passed & now you’re on a reduced salary. Maybe it’s time to get back to work? (its a fully remote job btw, so not labour intensive at all.)

She’s still in uni & now SFE (for the americans: this is the company that provides us with maintenance loans & tuition) have told her to submit evidence as to why she needs more maintenance, as she’s been in uni longer than expected and when you get to that point, you need to provide a valid circumstance as to why you’ve been in uni longer than expected to continue receiving the loans. So this is something she should have done since last September. I’d been reminding her to do it but my new job is very intense so i cant sit down and do everything for her like I’d been doing all this time, now it’s December and she still hasn’t done it despite me following up with her when I remember. December has come and it’s still not done. Now I’ve got some time due to office shutdown during christmas & I’ve literally had to sort it all out for her (shock). What really pisses me off is that can’t you see that by you not working & being on a reduced salary, sorting out this maintenance loan is the ONLY way for YOU to get more money and thus alleviate some pressure on us? It’s like it hasn’t sunk in and I just don’t get how.

Now 6/7 months have passed and that brings us to today. She’s been on a reduced salary, not able to contribute much to our increased rent of (£985/month) and the little she does get most of it is blown on clothes/going out. Whereas I have to use half of my salary to cover rent & then the rest for bills & food, I also have my own debts to pay down too so its like by the time my monthly commitments are all paid off, I’m rationing a few hundred pounds until next payday.

I just feel like it’s been a very long time since you felt pain from your health issue, don’t think its time to get back to your REMOTE job & earn again? If you’re not going to be proactive about your with your SFE stuff (maintenance loan) then at least get back to work??? But you’re doing neither and I’m breaking my back to keep things running. It’s hard and it makes me resentful, because I have personal projects I want to put my money towards and can’t or even just to go out with friends, I can’t do because I don’t have enough disposable income.

As I was saying, fast-forward to today, her birthday is coming up & I’m remembering what she said last year about me not doing enough & she didnt like what I did. It’s really playing on my mind because we’re practically in the same situation as last year again. But now I feel pressured to spend the little I have to avoid hearing the same things again.

AITA for feeling resentment? What would you do in this situation?