I feel like I am ten years behind

I don't really know how to explain this. I feel like I am now ready to be a teenager, to explore myself and find friend groups and figure out who I am and where I belong. Find my passions, what I wanna do job wise.

But oh. I am 28. I am 28 fucking years old and don't know who the fuck I am. I don't have close friends anymore, I am so terrified of meeting people because my self esteem is so freaking low. Everytime I interact with people, I feel SHIT afterwards because I see myself as this weird and annoying and dumb and awkward person.

I didn't finish school, I tried again two years ago with online school and failed again (spending over 3000€). It is getting too late to catch up. I need to catch up in my social life, in my personal development and in my career. I can't. There is just not enough energy in me. My meds don't help enough, they mostly just make me bite my tongue and mouth and loose my appetite and libido. I am trapped by my low energy, my anxieties and self hate.

Sorry for ranting but like every year on new years eve, everything feels shit. And I am alone.